just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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