Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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