The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
