why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
