i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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