i think my tv is drunk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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