how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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