We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
