Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
