this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
