so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
