you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
