Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
