dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
