i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
