I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
