Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
