I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
