I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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