just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
