Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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