apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
