I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My vagina is officially offended.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
