I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
