Where is the hickey?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
