with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
