It's like God shit irony all over that family
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
