I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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