I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
