I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
