sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
