Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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