Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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