the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
