i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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