Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
