There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
