That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
