Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize