Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize