i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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