well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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