First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This house was built for laser tag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
