I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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