im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
