im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize