Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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