It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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