Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
