He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
