So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
