i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
