Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize