Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
