They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize