you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
