his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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