dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
