and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
