so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You made out with two different species that night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
