My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This girl is more easily done than said...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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