I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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