A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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